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Hello, my loves, welcome back to the Wanderlover Podcast. I’m your host, Danielle Hu, recording this episode from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
We are getting settled into our beachfront luxury apartment on the outskirts of the city.
We chose not to stay in the middle of the city, where Copacabana, Ipanema are, just because I really want to take the next few months to nest and be on a quiet beach, give myself the space and energy to really prepare to become a mother.
My Full Circle Moment
On my flight over here from New York, I had a full circle moment.
I realized that the only other Christmas that I did not spend in New York with my family was five years ago when I flew from New York to Argentina on a business class red eye flight.
And as I was on my flight over to Sao Paulo, I was like, is it just me? Or is this seat super familiar where I’m flying to South America with American Airlines.
And I realized I was sitting in the same exact seat.
My Story With Ragz
And the other thing that I realized was five years ago was when I was flying to meet Ragz, who was flying from England.
He had just quit his job and it was his first one way flight after we had met and we just never stopped traveling together.
Just to give a bit of background of the start of me and Ragz’ journey, we had met in Bali when he was on a surf trip.
This was almost a year before he booked the one way flight.
Honestly, I thought I was never going to see him again because I was living in Bali at the time. And he had a full time job in England in construction, although he was working on his creative and digital marketing agency on the side.
If you go back to my episode 145, ‘Attracting your perfect life partner as a digital nomad’, you’ll know that I was so specific about what type of life partner I had wanted at the time.
So I was completely single in Bali for months and months. And when Ragz came into my life, although he didn’t check every single box, because again, I knew I wanted to travel.
I knew I wanted this freedom based lifestyle that I created for myself. I held onto that. And what happened was he met me there. I knew that there was potential. I knew that he didn’t want to stay in his job.
He was traveling full time before he went into construction. I knew deep down that our values. were aligned. And so it really didn’t take much convincing. He didn’t want to stay at his job anyway.
So within a matter of months, he quit his job, booked a one way flight.
We’re Together ALL The Time
Now it’s been five years of going from long distance relationship to COVID in lockdown together, just the two of us to getting engaged and then getting married. And it’s been now over a year of married life as digital nomads.
What this means is that for the past five years, because we travel together, because we work online together, we are with each other 90, 95 percent of the time.
We’re not like married couples who go to work during the day and then come back home at night.
We work together, we travel together, and most of the times we settle into a new place and we experience the same things. together as a couple.
So if you are new to the show or if you are single looking for your life partner as a digital nomad, or if you’re married and you’re curious as to what traveling full time with your partner is like in this episode, I’m going to be sharing highlights and lessons learned from five years of full time travel with Ragz and how to navigate married life essentially as a digital nomad.
We live super untraditional lives. We are now in a city that we’ve both never been to before to have a baby and start this new chapter of parenthood together.
I’ve gotten many comments asking, how did you find someone who is just so on board with this lifestyle? How did you find someone who you can communicate so effortlessly with and just be on the same page?
Because with untraditional lifestyles and decisions, it comes with its own unique set of challenges.
But we’ve learned so many important lessons on how to make this work together and I just cannot wait to share them with you.
Our Favourite Travel Memories
And instead of first focusing on the challenges and the lessons learned, I really want to first take a moment to highlight some memories from the road together.
I always believe that You really need to focus on what is going right and all of the blessings, all of the opportunities that come from these decisions, rather than focusing on what’s not working, et cetera.
So together in the past five years, we’ve traveled to over 20 countries.
We’ve lived in South America and Central America and North America and Europe and Asia.
We got engaged in Austria, got married in Cornwall, I found out I was pregnant in Tokyo and now we are in Brazil and also we’re buying land in Indonesia!
So as you can see, we’ve created this beautiful international lifestyle. And given that Ragz is British and I’m American, we really want to pass down this sense of the world is truly your oyster to our child and that they can do anything they set their minds to.
They do not have to follow the norm or abide by the status quo if it does not make them happy.
Design YOUR Perfect Life
I know a lot of people who feel the pressure to follow what society tells them to do and it doesn’t make them happy. So ultimately to find your own happiness and think outside the box.
We’ve both also designed our lives and businesses to be fully around what we truly love doing. And that gives us a sense of fulfillment.
So we’re not just relying on savings. So we’re not just traveling for the sake of traveling, but we’re also making an impact.
I personally love working with my clients. I love creating content. I love everything that my business is about. I love connecting with like minded people from all over the world supporting my communities, and that is exactly what I get to do on a day to day basis.
Furthermore, I get to create my own schedule. I get to have full control over my time, my location, and my finances. It gives me complete freedom.
What this means is that back when I could, I would surf every single day. I could be anywhere in the world I wanted to without having to report to anyone or be in a specific time zone and sign on at a certain hour. I could go to coworking spaces or I could go out with friends or I could just take the day off to explore.
Similarly, Ragz with his creative and digital marketing agency, he works specifically with luxury hotels and surf travel brands, both of which are just so aligned because we love luxury travel and we also love surfing.
So his clients include luxury surf villas from all over the world and really cool surf shops and just doing what you are passionate about on a day to day basis in a business that is your own. I don’t think we can ever get bored of it.
Like I cannot foresee myself selling The Wanderlover anytime soon just because it really is a part of me. It’s an extension of who I am and the message resonates with all of you guys tuning in from all over the world which I am just so thankful for.
Your Ikigai
One of my mentors recommended this book called Ikigai. It is a Japanese word that means the reason for living. What it encourages you to do and think about is to find your ikigai.
That is where you have an intersection of doing what you love, what the world needs, what you can be paid for and what you are good at.
When all of these intersect, that is your reason for being. So if you are not there yet, and you don’t have this feeling of ikigai when you wake up every single morning, take the time to reflect because you have the power to design your own life exactly how you want to.
Biggest Lessons Learned
All right, next let’s dive into lessons learned after five years of full time travel with my husband.
Even if you don’t spend 24/7 with your significant other, I think these are all really important lessons to take away.
Like I said before, with untraditional decisions, you end up with untraditional challenges. And to me, they are minor inconveniences.
With each ‘challenge’ or minor inconvenience, you have the opportunity to learn something new about yourself, about your partner, about how you communicate.
We essentially want to be welcoming these challenges with open arms because there is always a way around it that will make your relationship better and stronger than before.
Communicate Future Expectations
The first important lesson that I’ve learned is to constantly talk about the future and make sure you’re always on the same page.
At the end of every year, I always make a vision board for the next year. And I have an idea of what I want the next five years and 10 years to more or less look like, because I do this, it is so important to communicate what I’m expecting from my partner to support me in the new year, and also hear from him what he wants from the new year.
Anything that I can improve on and just really have an honest talk about whether or not we are on the same page with what is going to happen coming up.
The last thing I want and the last thing I want to see with my clients and community is they want this freedom based lifestyle. They want to travel. They want to not be tied down to one location, but they’re just waiting for their partner to want the same.
Sometimes after months or years, even they learned that their partner never wanted that in the first place or their values didn’t align.
The sooner that you can communicate, what is a non negotiable for you, the sooner your partner can match you on the same level. And this is a never ending conversation.
Of course, people’s minds can change. Of course, your preferences and values and life can change. But if you are honest with yourself and asking what makes you happy, if you are in a committed relationship, or even if you are dating, putting yourself first will attract a partner that also wants to make you happy and wants the best for you.
Ideally, you guys will want the same things, right? The more that you are so focused on what you want gives it a higher percentage that whoever enters your life you. Is going to want the same is at least going to want what’s best for you, but they also could just want the same exact thing that you want.
And in cases where you don’t want the same thing, there is always room for compromise or making room for something that maybe you didn’t initially want.
But it makes room to make your partner happy and creating way for something even bigger and better than you could have imagined. So talking about the future and making sure you’re on the same page always. That is my first lesson learned.
Communicate Your Needs
The second lesson that I want to share with you is to always communicate your needs. Do not feel like you need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Do not feel like you need to pretend like you love sharing space when you do not.
I’m always very open and communicative when I say I need my own office. I need my own space. I need time alone to myself so I can really regroup instead of having to be with someone 24/7. Like I need that mental space for myself.
This is something that I’ve learned to communicate, especially after COVID when we were in lockdown. I went from being this like really independent one person show to being full time living with another person. And we couldn’t even travel, right?
So always communicate what you are feeling and how, if anything, what they can do to make you feel better. And obviously this is a two way street because.
Neither you nor your partner can read each other’s minds. So in the beginning, when Ragz was feeling really anxious in an apartment or really anxious not being by the water, if we were traveling, we were in like Buenos Aires and we were in a big city.
He couldn’t surf. He got really antsy and anxious. And we just learned that being in a city for an extended period of time does not work. Like we need to be by nature, by the water.
And that’s something that we learned and now prioritize together as a couple. Obviously, over time, you’re going to have an easier time doing this, but also, especially in the beginning, it’s better off for you to communicate your needs and non negotiables than to pretend like everything is okay and having an elephant under the rug and then having it all blow up at a later time. So communicating your needs is key.
Set Boundaries
And going off of that, the third lesson that I’ve learned over the past five years with my husband traveling full time is to set boundaries. So after you communicate your needs, it’s important to then take actions to set boundaries so that those needs are met and that the boundaries are honored.
Whatever this looks like for you, whether it’s a number of hours to yourself or a number of hours in front of your laptop with undivided time if it means having time outside every single day or having to travel to certain places of the world to visit friends and family or whatever it is, you need to communicate and then you have to set boundaries of what is a non negotiable.
This is going to look different for every single couple, but the sooner that you can establish these boundaries and honor your piece, it’s going to be so much easier for you going forward.
Once they’re established, they rarely go away. And if you want them to go away, they can. But the earlier you establish them, the sooner you can be at more peace and have a smoother relationship.
The Importance Of Flexibility
The fourth lesson learned is the importance of flexibility.
So as full time travelers, it could be overwhelming even as a solo traveler to think where are you going next? Where am I going to have dinner? Am I going to be social today? Am I going to work out? Am I going to be active? Am I going to work? You need to be just as flexible with your partner’s plans and desires as well.
So an example of this recently was when we were thinking about where in the world did we want to give birth to our baby?
We first thought England that may be New York, and then we looked into Mexico. And then at the last minute we decided Brazil, we were thinking Sao Paulo, then we were thinking San Jose dos Campos. And then again, after we had already booked a flight to Sao Paulo, we decided on Rio.
As you can see, you need to be very flexible. You cannot, just decide on one thing in the beginning and make that your only option. There are always so many options and so many moving parts and things changing all the time.
It’s going to make it a lot easier if you can just be flexible with your life because we both have time, freedom, location, freedom, and financial freedom. Sometimes the choices can be overwhelming. We don’t know where we’re going to go next. We don’t know what’s going to happen.
Earlier this year, I had a miscarriage. So all of our choices for the year, they went out the window. Learning to be flexible will make you a better person, a better partner and a better business owner.
Invest In Experiences Together
Lastly, one of my favorite lessons learned is to invest in experiences with you and your partner.
When I was living in New York, I bought so many things. I bought so many designer bags, designer items, and now I don’t travel with them anymore.
But what I will never forget are the experiences that I’ve invested time, money, and energy into while I travel and now investing into experiences with my partner, whether that means connecting with locals, eating at Michelin star restaurants, surfing, learning new languages, learning new skills.
We travel lightly and it is just so much more fulfilling if you invest in experiences over things.
On my way over here, I had to check bags and it really made me realize like how little you really need and that you can always buy things at your ending destination, right? You don’t have to have a lot of things to be happy.
You don’t have to have a lot of things to be fulfilled. If anything, it makes it even more worthwhile. If you give back, if you connect, if you learn from other people, and if you make other people smile, nothing that makes me more excited than having an event planned or a flight booked or like a new unknown experience.
So if this is something that you resonate with, I highly encourage you to experience it.
Explore the same because who knows you might just love it and do the same.
Final Thoughts
I hope this episode was helpful and gave you insight into how we work in our marriage, how we spend 24/7 with each other all over the world and make it work.
Cheers to at least five or 50 more years of this lifestyle of becoming better versions of ourselves. And I will see you guys in the next episode, sending you all so much love from Brazil.
If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean a lot if you could go on Apple or Spotify and leave us a review. Have an amazing week, my loves. I will see you in the next episode!
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