Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Apr 25, 2022 | Entrepreneurship, Mindset, Podcast

Struggling with imposter syndrome and constantly finding yourself in a comparison trap with other creators and coaches? You’re not alone! In this episode, we tackle the reasons behind our self-inflicted suffering, and I share actionable tips to get you out of the comparison loop. Let’s get you back on track feeling proud of your accomplishments and confident in the path ahead!

Have you ever felt proud of an achievement only to see someone else’s achievement and start comparing? This is why comparison is the thief of joy. So this week I run through the mindset behind comparison (6:30) and how to stop comparing yourself to others (16:11) to instead use your energy to push your own business forward in a healthy and soul-aligned way.

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Audio Transcript

Intro (5s):
The Wanderlover Podcast was created with a mission to enable travel and freedom through
entrepreneurship. I’m your host, Danielle Hu business mentor, content creator, and founder of The
Wanderlover. Tune in every week for episodes about travel, online business, social media, and mindset that
will inspire you to take massive action towards living the life of your dreams. If you’ve been enjoying The
Wanderlover podcast, if you’ve been tuning in and finding inspiration and taking away value, it would mean
so much to me. If you could take a second to leave us a review on apple podcasts, I continue to record
these episodes for you every single week and take all of your comments and feedback to heart. Thank you guys so, so much.

Danielle (53s):
Hi, my loves. Welcome back to The Wanderlover Podcast. I’m your host, Danielle Hu and I am currently
recording this episode in Ericeira Portugal. If you’ve been following along on Instagram, you’ll know that
Ragz and I checked into our Airbnb here around a week ago, and we have this beautiful two bedroom ocean
view condo, and I’ve again, converted our second bedroom into my podcast recording studio, and we
absolutely love it here. We joined a coworking space called kelp coworking, and it’s just a five minute walk
from our Airbnb. It’s such a productive community oriented environment where you’re just surrounded by
other online entrepreneurs, digital nomads, business owners.

Danielle (1m 38s):
And it’s such a great way to meet like-minded individuals. The water here in Portugal is also a lot warmer
than in France, where I had to wear a four:three and booties. Remember, I was like, putting on so much gear
just to go surfing. But now in my four:three, without booties, sometimes I’m like sweating. The food here is
specially the seafood and Ericeira is so fresh. So delicious. I’ve been having octopus almost every other
night and the pastel they not does are absolutely delicious. So life is really good if you’ve been following on
Instagram, you’ll also know that last week as we drove down here, we stopped in dural valley, worked with a
few luxury hotels shooting and creating content for them.

Danielle (2m 25s):
And it was really action packed. Really go, go, go. And since we arrived in Ericeira, it just felt like everything
was calm and at peace, which means I’ve had a lot of time to self reflect, to journal about what’s going on in
my life, in my business, where I want to go. And I’ve had a few downloads that I felt really compelled to
share with all of you today. And it’s all centered around comparison and joy. Hence why I’m naming today’s
episode comparison is the thief of joy. And before I go preaching what I’ve realized, I want you all to know
that I’m only sharing this because I’ve gone through it myself.

Danielle (3m 9s):
I’ve been at that position, working a corporate job, looking at influencers lives on Instagram and being like,
why can’t I travel the world? Full-time I’ve been at the start of my business, looking at other people, making
six figures. And I’m like, why am I not hitting those milestones? And so this advice comes from a place
where I’ve been inside the frame. And like I’ve said before, you can’t see the picture when you’re inside the
frame. Right? But once you step out of that frame, you can look back and be like, oh my gosh, that’s why,
and then you can spot it instantly when other people are going through the same thing, because you know
exactly what it’s like to be in that situation. It’s almost like being in a toxic relationship for the first time or just
in general.

Danielle (3m 53s):
You never want to admit it to yourself and you can never have that awareness. Like, oh my gosh, this is bad
for me. You’re always self-doubting. You’re always like, so inside the picture, that until you break up with your
partner or until you experience something that takes you out of that position, you can reflect back and be
like, wow, that was so toxic. Right? And it gives you more awareness and more empathy as you grow and
experience new things in life and meet other people who are going through the same thing. So how many
times answer this? Honestly, how many times have you achieved something in your business? And you were
so happy about it, go on Instagram, go on a social media and you see someone else celebrating a win and
immediately your attention shifts to why didn’t I think of that?

Danielle (4m 45s):
Why am I not at that level? And it automatically shifts from abundance to lack. You’re all of a sudden
realizing how much more there is to do and the next level where you’re not at yet. And the question is, why
do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this as humans? Why are we imposing this internal struggle on
ourselves all the time? And if you think about it, it’s because us as a society, we are obsessed with
milestones. We are obsessed with comparison and achieving a certain thing by a certain age. This starts
when we’re like babies and infants. I know parents, they follow like by two months, your child should be
doing this by five months, they should be doing this.

Danielle (5m 30s):
And it’s such a generic measure because not all babies are born, able, not everyone is the same. You can’t
follow this structure for every single person, especially not in entrepreneurship where it’s not even
developmental. It’s just, everyone’s in their own niche in their own lane. And there’s really no comparison.
But because we grow up in this society where we’re like, you need to finish high school by this age, go to
college. By this age, get married by this age, have a child by this age, we can’t help, but impose those same
feelings and those same thoughts when we are building our own businesses, I’ll be the first to say and admit
that when I was in school, I was so, so competitive.

Danielle (6m 18s):
I always compared my grades to other people, my achievements, to other people. And it was so easy
because school and university almost gives you like this hierarchy of GPA system, where you can pinpoint to
a 10th decimal place. How much farther ahead, quote, unquote ahead. You were of other people. And the
thing is no one ever told me how toxic and how unhealthy that is for you. Until I started doing the inner work
myself until I started noticing my inner child, trying to change those beliefs and internal dialogues in my mind,
when I was able to then recognize this habit of constant comparison, it actually comes from a place of feeling
like I’m not good enough, like whatever I’ve accomplished and what I have, it’s not going to be recognized
until I am at the destination.

Danielle (7m 15s):
When I have achieved that thing, then I will be happy. And this is a train of thought that you have to change.
Because if you’ve conditioned yourself to only think about when is it going to happen? Why isn’t it happening
fast enough? Why am I not doing this? But fail to recognize everything that you have already achieved.
You’re constantly going to be comparing yourself to other people and find something lacking. And the most
important thing here is to remember not to compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter 20, building
a business is not easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

Danielle (7m 54s):
And you have to zoom out. If this is your first year in business, you cannot be comparing yourself to people
who have been in business for five years. For 10 years. I think in the beginning, we always have this facade
where we’re like, we can figure it out. We’re doing so much every single day, which means that I should see
success and reach the finish line by month six. But there is so much you don’t currently know. And there’s so
much to learn that the only person you should be comparing yourself to right now is the person you were at
the beginning of your business journey. Are you making more money? Do you know more? Do you have
more assets? Do you have more experience?

Danielle (8m 36s):
That’s the only person you need to be comparing yourself to when you go on a social media and you see
someone with an incredible following, a real strategy, a content strategy, ask yourself how many years have
they been on social media, using it as a platform for their business and tweaking everything until it works for.
Oftentimes we’re so hard on ourselves, only focusing on what we don’t have, what we still have to learn.
What we still have to do. This is why in all of my programs, we focus on everything big and small that we’ve
accomplished that we have under our belt, because the more energy you direct to what is serving you and
what is making you so abundant, the less time and effort you’re going to have to dwell in what is lacking
chiming in here really quickly to remind you, I have a free master class, how to build a successful online
business that allows you to travel the world.

Danielle (9m 34s):
This is how I operate the wander lover and have multiple streams of income all online. Over the past four
years of full-time travel in this exclusive 40 minute masterclass, you will learn how to build your online
coaching, creative or service-based business. Choose your profitable online business idea that is unique and
aligned without getting stuck in paralysis by analysis. Start the money flow in your business without needing
a hundred thousand followers and grow your community and audience on autopilot without having to post on
social media every day you can register in the episode description, and I will see you inside now back to
today’s episode, in addition to competitiveness, being a factor in comparison.

Danielle (10m 20s):
The other main trait that I see is impatience. I can confidently say that I am not the most patient person in
the world, but when you apply it to other industries, to other areas of your life, it’s so much easier to see why
you just need to let things happen and trust in the universe, trust in the timing of your own life, instead of
comparing it to other people. So for example, a few years ago, it was so hard for me to stick to a workout or
exercise routine. I would download a 12 week program, go to the gym for a week, see no results after a
week and convince myself that the program wasn’t working, something needed to change and that it wasn’t
made for me.

Danielle (11m 8s):
And does that sound familiar? I tend to also attract a community of other people who are equally as
impatient, but when you zoom out and now, you know, I’m out of the frame and I know that consistency is
key, you can see why my impatience made me unhappy. It didn’t give me the result I was after, because I
simply just didn’t give it enough time. And instead of measuring my success based on how much leaner or
skinnier or more fit, I looked after a week, what I actually should have been focusing on were my daily habits.
How often was I going to the gym?

Danielle (11m 49s):
What was I eating? And what was the lifestyle I was living to promote the leanest fittest version of myself. If I
was just taking a progress photo after a week and judging my success based on that, like, obviously not too
much is going to change after a week, right? So that’s a really bad measurement because it’s only going to
set me up for failure. It’s going to discourage me. It’s going to make me compare my progress photo after
week to other people’s progress photos after 12 weeks and be like, whoa, they changed so much. Well,
yeah, obviously because they actually finished the program. And so you just need a trust.

Danielle (12m 29s):
Okay. If I finish this 12 week program, I’m probably going to see more results. And what’s it going to take for
me to complete this 12 week program is to focus on actually going to the gym every day, focusing on the
habits, focusing on the baby stuff. Same thing in business. You can be working really hard day after day
after, day on your business for the first month. And then all of a sudden you’re like, wait, but those people
they’re making five figure months. They’re hitting multiple six figures. They’re hitting a million dollars in their
first year of business, whatever it is, it takes your attention away from your accomplishments.

Danielle (13m 13s):
And all of a sudden you’re comparing yourself and you go from feeling super joyful to almost depressed,
recognize that this is a pattern that needs, needs, needs to change. And I’m saying this from the bottom of
my heart, because I’ve been there, I’ve been on the comparison hamster wheel. Like, why am I not there
yet? Why are all these people doing more than me? Even though I feel like I’m working my butt off day and
night on my business, it’s not a good feeling. And I promise you that if the awareness is there to want to
change it, you are capable of changing it. You don’t have to be jealous all the time. You don’t have to feel like
you’re not good enough. You are so worthy and know that success is coming to you.

Danielle (13m 56s):
When instead you focus your attention on the habits, on the daily rituals that get you excited to show up that
get you excited to sell. That gets you excited to make money in your business. Know that success is yours.
Similar to how if you finish a 12 week gym program, you’re going to be that much farther than week. One
same thing with business. If you focus on your business for two years, develop the habit to be in front of your
computer, to be nurturing those relationships, to be making those connections, know that in the next few
years, you’re going to be so wildly successful. More than you can imagine right now, you just need to be
patient and let it all work out.

Danielle (14m 40s):
Go through the lessons, go through the mistakes, learn from your mistakes. Learn from other people. All of
this is part of the process. And if you’re listening to this episode and you’re like, Danielle, this all makes
sense. I know that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other people, but I honestly just cannot help it. It’s just
so natural. How do I change it? I’m going to read you the story of two wolves. And I hope this comes into
mind whenever you’re having that internal dilemma. So one evening and elderly Cherokee brave told his
grandson about a battle that goes on inside of people. My dear one, the battle between two wolves is inside
of us all. One is evil.

Danielle (15m 21s):
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity guilt, resentment, inferiority, false pride,
superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy. Peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,
empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The grandson thought about it for a moment and then
asked his grandfather, which Wolf wins. The old Cherokee replied, the one you feed. So the choice, the
choice to either compare or to celebrate our wins. The choice is always there in front of us. And if you feel
like you’re constantly comparing, this is a sign that you’ve been feeding that bad Wolf, and it’s time to
reassess how you can stop those actions.

Danielle (16m 11s):
My first piece of advice is to get rid of everyone and everything that you are comparing yourself to. This can
look like a one month unfollowing. Whoever makes you feel like you’re behind. I know it’s a little harsh, but if
that’s what you need, that’s always an option to just take different actions. So you can feel different feelings
and see different results. The next step is spend 80% of your time creating and 20% consuming limit your
screen time limit. How much time you give yourself to scroll on Tik TOK, to scroll on reels, to browse
Instagram, and instead dedicate all of that time to your own business.

Danielle (16m 52s):
I promise you, the more you work on your own assets and your own business, you’re going to feel more
empowered and over time you’re going to be like, huh? Wow, I’m doing so well. Like I have this amazing
entity in front of me and be so proud of your work. Instead of focusing on what there still is to do also full
disclosure. No, that these actions are going to be uncomfortable. No, that it’s going to be so much easier to
just mindlessly scroll and fall into this trap of like, oh, I still have to do this. I’m not good enough. Especially if
that’s something that has developed since childhood that you’ve carried on from your school days to your
entrepreneurship days know that it’s going to be difficult.

Danielle (17m 39s):
And sometimes they’re going to just wants to sulk, but also know that if you want different results, if you want
to reach the next level, something’s got to change. If these actions are causing you to constantly compare
and face imposter syndrome and not show up for your business and not get the clients and customers then
ask yourself as the CEO of your business, is this worth it? Do I want to continue or do I want to do what’s
really hard in the moment. Try to think some different thoughts. Pretend to be almost what feels like fake,
happy for a moment, but then see the ripple effect from there last but not least know that you are on your
own path.

Danielle (18m 22s):
This is your own life. You do not need to be copying anyone else. You do not need to be chasing what other
people have. You are on your own divine path, set out by the universe or God or whatever faith you believe
in. It’s solely yours. It’s only yours. And you do not ever have to feel like you’re competing with other people
or that you need to take something from other people, or you need to be on someone else’s path. You have
one lane and all you have to do is simply follow it. I hope this episode was really helpful. I would love to hear
your thoughts. Feel free to DM me anything that comes up and I will see you in the next episode, have an
amazing week guys.

~~~

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