How to Deal with Haters – Podcast Ep.7

Nov 2, 2020 | Mindset, Podcast

Today we talk about how I deal with haters, and how to confront the situation if/when you come into contact with them. Listen in for a few reality checks, as well as an exercise to really shift your mindset into focusing on what's important, and get you confident AF to show up online

Audio Transcript

(5s):
The Wanderlover Podcast was created with a mission to enable travel and freedom through entrepreneurship, I’m your host, Danielle Hu: business mentor, content creator, and founder of The Wanderlover. Tune in every week for episodes about travel, online business, social media, and mindset that will inspire you to take massive action towards living the life of your dreams. Hello Wanderlover trive and welcome back to The Wanderlover podcast. I didn’t realize until very recently that in none of my previous episodes, I’ve asked you guys to subscribe or leave a review.

(50s):
And so if you’ve been enjoying this podcast, if you found value and really want to help support it, it would mean a lot if you could rate and review on Apple podcasts, and also don’t forget to subscribe so you can get reminded of new episodes when they release every Monday. And so right now, Ragz and I are in our second week here in Puerto, Escondido in Mexico. And we are currently deciding how long we want to stay here for. Of course, most countries around the world are closed because of the current pandemic situation.

(1m 30s):
And the beach town – the beach vibes – we are in love. Like the beaches if you guys haven’t been here on the Oaxacan coast of Mexico, they’re absolutely beautiful. And the water is really warm, like surfing in a bikini. The surf is amazing for all different levels. Puerto Escondido is known for this one beach called the Zicatela, and it is massive – like the waves here get massive. They barrel right on the shore. It’s known as the Mexican pipeline. And it’s actually like one of the main reasons we decided to come here. And around Zicatela, there are also perfect beaches for beginners and intermediate surfers.

(2m 15s):
There are places where you can rent boards all along the beach and really cute, like, palapas by the water. And it’s just so beautiful. You can watch the sunset everyday. So the vibes here are perfect. The only thing we are struggling with. Oh, and sorry. I forgot to mention the food because the food in Oaxaca is amazing. It’s like one of the culinary capitols in Mexico and just like every single ingredient is so flavorful. I’m absolutely obsessed. We recently tried a local tlayudas, which is kind of like this quesadilla pizza, and that’s delicious. There’s (inaudible) everywhere – ugh, in love!

(2m 55s):
So back to the one thing that could be improved for our situation, cause you guys know that Ragz and I both work online, is the internet situation. And it’s so crazy because I specifically found this Airbnb that we’re staying at because they said they had reliable wifi, but we have quickly learned that when places here, like, say that they have reliable wifi… That’s usually not the case. I cannot work at home and the co-working spaces that we have found either also don’t have reliable wifi. And by reliable I mean, my zoom calls with my clients and group, right?

(3m 40s):
If I can’t hold them seamlessly, I feel like it’s not reliable for the quality of work that I want to just have as part of The Wanderlover. So the co-working spaces are a no-go and with cellular data, it’s pretty reliable quote unquote, but sometimes it still lags. And I’ve heard that right before we got to Puerto Escondido, the entire cellular data network just went down for four hours and I’m like, how am I supposed to work with that? Like if I don’t have wifi and I don’t have my data and also with data, like it’s a pay per gig and the work I do, I’m always on Instagram, always on zoom.

(4m 25s):
I use like multiple gigs a day. And so I feel like that isn’t sustainable, but what is so crazy about this whole situation is when I was flying from Mexico city to Puerto, Escandido, my flight, my domestic flight wasn’t that packed. And I just happened to be sitting next to this one guy, his name is Rico, and he happened to own his own like mini office co-working space, where he has like two different types of wifi and cable. And just like, I don’t really know how it works, but he has reliable wifi in his office, and he had two seats available. And so Ragz and I have been going there to work, which is, yeah, just amazing how the universe provides, right?

(5m 11s):
Like what are the chances? I sat next to him on my flight and at the same time he runs this company and he was like in the middle of looking at how to bring it online, I was like, “Oh, that’s exactly what I do.” And so everything just seemed to work out like pretty perfectly for us right now. The other thing that I want to share with you guys is you may have seen in my stories that near his office space, like right across from the floor, there’s another empty space with floor to ceiling windows. It’s an absolutely beautiful two room and it’s open.

(5m 54s):
It’s like for rent and so nice. And I are really am trying to decide how long we want to stay here for and whether or not we should make the investment to rent out the space so that way we can work. And of course, for a while, for me – because I don’t know if installing our own cables, installing our own satellite… like I really want to just be able to work when I want and where I want for the next few months And Ragz on the other end, he’s thinking about actually converting the space into our own little mini co-working space. And so with all these ideas, I’m so excited about it, but we’ve only been here for two weeks.

(6m 37s):
Not sure if it is the best course of action to commit to a rental contract for an extended period of time. So we’re definitely still working it out, like whether we want to stay or whether we should look at other places. And so a lot of things are up in the air, but we have a lot of opportunities, a lot of exciting things and changes happening and oh yeah! – Ragz also really wants like a giant truck and they have so many giant trucks here in Puerto Escondido. You know, maybe it’s like a little crossover from America, but it’s crazy. Like you’ll just be driving on the road and there’s this huge like Hummer passing by you.

(7m 17s):
And it just seems so out of place, but Ragz loves it. It would be so easy to like throw our surf boards in there and like go on surf trips. And we would also of course, like, have to stay for a relatively extended period of time to make that investment worth it. But yeah, very excited. I’m really excited to share this with all of you and definitely follow along on Instagram to hear any new updates. Okay. So let’s get started with this week’s episode, How to Deal With Haters. And I really want to shed light onto the situation because it is so common people come to me all the time being like, “I am afraid of all the nasty comments I will get.

(8m 2s):
If I put myself out there, the hate messages, I don’t want to confront any of my family, friends, coworkers, because of this fear that they’re going to hate on me or like haters on the internet will.” Right? And a lot of people have these fears and they don’t voice it necessarily to everyone around them. And so if someone new is trying to start something and they have these internal fears, they’re like, oh my God, all of these strangers, they’re not going to end up producing the content that’s necessary to create a name and a brand and a business for themselves, right? And so I really want to talk about this, talk about the common fears and essentially bring to light that most of it is in your head.

(8m 48s):
I will share my journey with how I was able to deal with haters and give you some tips to confront the if and when it ever happens to you, as well as a mini reality check at the end of this episode. So it’s going to be really exciting and lets get started. So in the beginning, when I first had my idea to become a travel influencer and go in front of the camera and start showing my face – you guys know that The Wanderlover started off as a features only page where I wasn’t creating my own content. And when I had the idea to start a blog about my travels, about my experiences, as well as share my photos and me posing in front of the camera on Instagram, I was so afraid to tell my coworkers about my new page, especially because in corporate.

(9m 45s):
Like I had a private Instagram, no one knew about The Wanderlover. I didn’t want to basically tell them that this was like my new direction, because I had no idea if it was going to be successful or not, right? So that was one of my biggest fears: the haters which…who were basically my coworkers. So those were the first like category of haters I was afraid to confront. And then the second group were internet trolls who would leave nasty comments, or I just couldn’t fathom the idea of people just being mean to me on the internet. And this came in the form of like comments on my photos, comments on YouTube, and just people, you know, when you see all the main people on YouTube and you’re like, ah, I don’t want those comments on my episode.

(10m 37s):
And so those were like the second category that I didn’t really want to face. And then my third biggest- group of haters that I didn’t ever want to come in contact with came in the form of hate messages. So it was more like an account to me one-on-one expressing how just, I don’t know, how disappointed they are. I don’t even know what they would say, but my imagination was just like, I don’t want to get emails. I don’t want to get DMs from people who just say really mean things. Right? And I would take it really personally. And I just want to say that all of these fears are normal, but what I’m really grateful for are my mentors who pushed me through it and made me realize that it’s always going to serve you better if you take action regardless of these fears, right?

(11m 33s):
I’m so grateful that I was still able to produce content consistently and not let this fear dictate whether or not I put ideas out into this world. And over time, what I learned is not everyone is going to like your work in this world. That’s just a given. You can’t satisfy a a hundred percent of people. And so focusing on that minute percentage of people who may or may not like your work and even if they don’t like it, may or may not confront you about it, that’s just not worth your time and energy. And if you think about it, like the most successful creatives and entrepreneurs like Vincent Van Gogh, Beyonce, Gary Vaynerchuk, they all have haters.

(12m 19s):
So it just shows that you can be so perfect in what you’re doing, and still people will choose to either not receive your message or just look at it critically and give you shit for it. And that’s out of your control. Like there’s just nothing that you can, should, or need to worry about because you can’t prevent it. And so I want you to think about your dreams and your goals and your business, like the political election going on right now. I personally don’t watch the news very often. I believe it puts me in a state where I’m just unproductive and upset at the world going on.

(13m 1s):
And it gets me very disempowered. I won’t say that I never watched the news. Ragz loves the news. And so I feel like I’m always updated. But what I think is the most fascinating is every time someone voices their opinion…It can be someone who there’s a lot of uncertainty about their dreams, but they will be so gung-ho about their political views, which I find fascinating, because essentially you basically just need to fixate on your dreams… like the political election and who you believe is the best candidate. Because when you take a stand and push for the agenda you want to see in your future and defend your candidate, it shows that you are willing to take a stand and put yourself out there even when half the nation is against you.

(13m 54s):
They want to stay hating, but they have a different perspective, right? They have a different opinion on your views and they’re not necessarily haters, but it’s just, again, the given fact that not everyone is going to support your decision. It’s impossible to satisfy a hundred percent of the people. And if you look around and see everyone like taking a stand for what they believe their future for should more or less look like, adopt that same mentality into your business. Like take that stand, make that decision, believe in yourself and your abilities as much as a politica candidate, which in the grand scheme of things like you have more control over what you do with your business than the election.

(14m 41s):
And that is totally not to say that your vote isn’t important, and this is actually the perfect episode to remind all of you, if you are American and you haven’t voted yet, please go vote. It is such a privilege. I was able to mail in my absentee ballot before I got to Mexico. And even that, like not having to physically be at the polling place was a luxury to me and I am so grateful for it. And so I highly urge you guys, if you have the ability to go vote in this election. Hello my loves. One of the reasons I have been able to get where I am today is by working closely with amazing mentors who have taught me along the way and guided me when I needed clarity the most.

(15m 30s):
And if you want to level up your business this next month going into the new year and want to work with me privately to achieve your business and income goals, I would love to invite you to apply to private coaching. This is the last time applications are open in 2020 for December or a 2021 start. My private clients get my complete support behind their businesses and we are not only work on adopting a rock solid mindset, but also the business drive and strategy behind success. We work through the five step Wanderlover process for getting creative, visible, and profitable. And, of course, becoming great friends where I want to see you succeed.

(16m 13s):
Apply using the link in my bio on Instagram, @TheWanderlover and I cannot wait to start our journey together. Okay. In the first part of this episode, we talked about the fears that I had going into showing my face and being a quote unquote, like a public figure on social media and as well as like the underlying, just fact that not everyone is going to like your work and there are going to be haters out there. But I want to share what actually happened and what came to fruition from the fears that I had and from this underlying fact, like all coming together.

(16m 57s):
So in conclusion, 99% of the time, it’s all in your head. So these worst case scenarios of my coworkers hating on me or getting nasty comments and getting hate messages… Like 99% of the time in the past, like a few years, right, it was all in my head. And for every one nasty comment I got, I got 99 supportive, like valuable, just new fans raving about my work. And so that’s not to say that it’s not going to happen, that you’re not going to ever get someone who dislikes your work or disapproves or whatever, you know, but the thing is, you’re not looking at the 99 and that’s what you need to focus on.

(17m 52s):
Because if you’re so fixated on what could possibly go wrong this 1% of the time, and that’s what stops you from producing life changing content or life-changing businesses then are you really on a mission to change lives and be the entrepreneur that you were meant to be? Or are you just going to hide behind your fears and take the safe route? And if I were to break down my fears that I had, the first being telling my coworkers, I actually received zero negativity from my coworkers.

(18m 34s):
They were all surprisingly, super supportive, at least to my face. I’m sure there’s like conversations that I don’t know about where people weren’t the most confident in my decision to quit my corporate job at the bank, but that’s okay, right? Like it’s bound to happen. It’s guaranteed to happen, but no one ever told me about it. And I don’t know, that fear just never manifested itself. The next was nasty comments and hate messages. I get them very, very occasionally. The first time was when I started running ads to my first opt-in, which was a travelpreneur checklist, so a checklist of whether or not this traveling entrepreneurship lifestyle is right for you.

(19m 19s):
Someone commented and was like, this is so stupid. And I remember seeing that comment just from a stranger, you know – that really affected me because I worked really hard on this opt-in and there was someone I didn’t even know who basically told me that my opt-in was shit. And in the beginning I was like, who is this person, I wanted to delete the comment. I just wanted to like, just take my opt-in off of my website because this one person has said it was stupid. And it completely just made me feel horrible about what I had created and shared and ran ads to for the first time, right?

(19m 59s):
And back then it really affected me. But over time, I, when I look back on that like one comment… It’s so insignificant and in the grand scheme of The Wanderlover, like, that person had no impact on my business whatsoever. And so now, like, I am more confident in taking stands for things and putting things out there, despite what people may think, because it’s not about them. It’s about me and my business and my clients and customers who I help and anyone coming in and trying to take that away from me – they’re not able to. So over time resilience is what has improved significantly to the point where like, if anyone were to comment something like that, I can hide it.

(20m 47s):
I can ignore it. It’s so easy for me to get over it. But back then, before I even started any of this, even the thought of someone saying, “Oh, this is stupid.” That would have taken such a huge hit on my confidence. So for every one of these quote unquote nasty comments I’ve got, I’ve also gotten thousands and thousands of supportive comments, right? And this really shows that when you put stuff out there into the world, and it shows you are an expert, you are creating assets and tangible things that you can see that you have produced and are sharing to the world and you are standing for something and that causes other people to disagree with you in that is completely, you know, okay.

(21m 35s):
It’s also taught me so much resilience, right. Especially with being a travel influencer. And I’ve noticed this in the past few years, I just brushed it aside, I don’t even care anymore. But I remember when I first like told the world and started telling people that I was a travel influencer and launching my travel influencer handbook, I got so many comments. Just mostly not- I don’t think anything negative per se, but people just had this negative association with travel influencers. And I’ve gotten a few comments where it was, I think, a misunderstanding, but people truly think that travel influencers…

(22m 16s):
that we don’t work… that they just get freebies and don’t really put any effort behind it and their content and social media and Instagram aren’t viable options to make a living, which is not true, right? And if they’ve grown up in a society where it’s very traditional, you go into an office, there’s no, there’s no really vacation outside of your allotted vacation days a year, I can see how just solely working online may seem like a scam or just something that they’re not familiar with. And so a lot of the times I think it was a misunderstanding, but I have like, you know, read articles and just spoken to people who didn’t appreciate travel influencers.

(23m 2s):
And that’s okay. And that’s their opinion. But when you- if you have your own business and you’re able to work and travel the world from it and reach other people who understand what you are going through and what you are saying, then sharing that makes it so much more valuable than focusing on the people who don’t understand. And something I’ve noticed from the past few years of being a full-time entrepreneur is you will never be criticized by someone doing more than you are. If not, all of your criticism is going to be from people who are on a different path, who are not even producing any content or creating a business for themselves and know nothing about entrepreneurship.

(23m 44s):
And they’re just basically behind your back or gossiping, or trying to take you off this path, because A) they may genuinely just not have a clue of what’s entailed or B) they want to knock you off their pedestal to make them feel better about themselves. So it’s more about like a self-confidence and a self worth issue than your own actual business, right? And if you find the people who are a few steps ahead of you, I guarantee they will be nothing but supportive because they’ve been through it. They know what it’s like to just start out. And only the people who don’t understand, who are maybe jealous, who are insecure – only those people are going to like, they’re going to be the ones leaving those nasty comments and sending hate messages.

(24m 33s):
And if you think about it that way, there’s nothing for you to worry about because it’s just insignificant to your overall purpose. And so if and when you do get a nasty comment, assess whether it is from a place of misunderstanding and if they genuinely have good intentions. And with those people you may want to start a dialogue. If you choose, you always have the choice to, you can direct them to a resource or explain some things if you think that they would be open and receptive to it. However, if they are truly a troll and they’re just doing it for the sake of, I don’t know, leaving a message in the comments, just ignore it or delete it, right?

(25m 18s):
There’s really not much else to it. You don’t have to choose to take it personally. You don’t have to choose to allow it to affect your mood and affect the direction in which you run your business. Because I guarantee you, those people compared to who your true tribe and your clients and your customers are, right – those people are just insignificant and not even worth it. So my tip and my challenge for you this week is to measure your success by actually how many people criticize your work. I want you to actually get it as a metric: how many people notice and criticized your work.

(26m 3s):
So in order to have criticism, you must be visible, right? No one can criticize you if you’re not putting yourself out there. So I want to first help you realize that by putting yourself out there and giving room to this criticism, that’s already a major win. Because it’s already far ahead of those people who just sit behind their laptops and do nothing about their current situation. So first commend yourself for putting yourself out there, for taking a stand, for showcasing your talents and expertise, and pat yourself on the back for it, right? Because you’re getting noticed. And so if you are going to take the measurement of how many people criticize your work, you’re only going to be more incentivized to create content every day.

(26m 52s):
So you’re hoping for criticism and not hoping for criticism, but inevitably as you’re producing more work and more people are noticing who you are they’re going to have more to say about it. And let’s say a number of criticisms goes from one to two over the span of three months. I guarantee you in that span, you will also get a thousand praises. So if you really want to focus on nasty comments and on nasty messages and make that like the bane of your business, I want you to focus on them and turn it into something that you are excited to collect because that just means your business is growing and you’re going to be the next Van Gogh, the next Beyonce, the next Gary Vaynerchuk – it’s inevitable and it should be your fuel to move forward.

(27m 49s):
So I hope this was really helpful. I really hope that it brought light to some of your fears and insecurities, but also made you realize that you have the power and the choice to change your mindset and how you view those fears and insecurities. And of course the whole mission is to take action every single day to living a life that you’ve always dreamed of. So don’t hide behind those fears and instead take inspired action. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and enjoyed this episode, please, don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review.

(28m 30s):
Have an amazing week guys. And I’ll see you in the next episode!

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