Healing After Loss w/ Grief Coach Lauren Samay

In this weeks episode I interview Lauren Samay, grief coach and momentum mastermind graduate. We talk both about healing and how she came to create a business centred around helping others.

Connect with Lauren on Instagram and check out her website

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Guest Introduction

Dani:

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Wanderlover podcast. I’m so excited to be bringing on a very special guest today, Lauren Samay, who is a Grief coach supporting those facing loss who want to mourn well and live fully. She is a member of The Business Academy, as well as Momentum Mastermind, and it has been so inspiring watching her build her business from scratch and supporting those who need it the most. I personally love what Lauren does as a grief, mourning and loss coach. They are things we can’t run away from in life, and many people tend to turn a blind eye, but we’ll be diving into her work in all things healing on today’s episode.

Dani:

Welcome to the show, Lauren.

Lauren:

Thank you so much, Danielle.

Dani:

We’re so happy to have you. You are the first Grief coach we’ve had on the show, and I think after the past few years, many people are in need of your support and wisdom. Can you please share a bit about your background and what inspired you to step into this role?

Lauren:

Mm, yes. I have a lot of experience with Grief, both through family members passing and also living losses. But I had started caregiving for adults with intellectual disabilities in 2006, and that brought me to my very first experience of caring for someone on hospice. And I had the honor and the privilege to care for this beautiful soul in the last months of her life. And that was such a tremendous moment in my life, one that then enabled me to be present for my mother almost a decade later in her dying moments.

Lauren:

I had the extreme honor and the greatest privilege of my life to care for my mother in the last week of her life. And without the experience that I’d had, especially specifically caring with this for this woman, I would’ve probably completely lost it. Having been through a little bit of the process of end of life before, it enabled me to be just sliver more present and an understanding of what I was witnessing as my sisters and I were caring for my mother in the last week of her life. And it’s been a process of Grief and mourning and growth ever since.

Dani:

If, you don’t mind sharing. Maybe some audience members are going through it right now. What did the grieving process look like for you specifically?

Lauren’s personal grieving process

Lauren:

Oh my goodness. Honestly, a hot mess, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s all of the human emotions, you know, we, we have these emotions and you will feel every single one in Grief, you will feel the agonizing hole in your heart, the pain, the sorrow, waves of depression and physical fatigue. You know, there’s so many physical man manifestations that make you feel wretched when your heart is already aching and broken open. And it broken what it feels like into a thousand pieces, and it’s a process, and it’s now going to be coming up in December, seven years since my mother died.

Lauren:

And I cared for her in that time. And it, the grieving process hasn’t stopped my morning. My outward expression of Grief has not stopped because it is a process. Grief is something that you don’t just get over. It’s sort of a companion for life. And there’s so many different ways that we can experience Grief. Loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, loss of identity, Yeah. Loss world crisis. You know, this time of the pandemic that we’ve been in is, it’s just been a, a absolute pandemic of Grief.

Lauren:

We’ve had so much loss individually and collectively, and what I feel wholeheartedly is so important to the grieving process and moving through as a human being in this world is to feel what you’re feeling, to let the feelings flow. This society is so not primed to support any talk of death, mostly in, in the culture and this space for people to grieve. You know, everybody’s like, Oh, get over it. You know, it’s been a week, aren’t you? Aren’t you better yet? Can’t you come back to work? You know what, what’s going on? And it’s like, you’re still in shock and denial and, and it’s just so many, many emotions.

Lauren:

And so when you’re constantly in that space of, Oh, you know, I gotta pull my bootstraps on and put a happy face on and keep trudging forward, it really, it just sweeps everything under the carpet. Yeah. And all of that Grief, all of that pain, all of that sadness, all of those feelings are still there. And it really, I mean, it’s an individual choice and it, it not always is something that you can or wanna move through in the moment. I know everybody has different responsibilities and, and you have to upkeep your life in some capacity, but at the same time, Grief, If, you let it, it will reveal you. And that is where I am. I have gone through years of Grief and grieving and feeling all of these emotions, and there’ve been great periods of sadness.

Lauren:

I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything. You know, Grief is hard. It’s the worst pain when you lose a loved one. When you lose something dear to you, it leaves a gaping hole in your heart. And it’s a little cliche, but I mean, like, that’s where the light comes in. That’s where, that’s where you truly If. You want to can embrace that and go on that journey and go deep and find that light and use it to transform your life. And for me, that’s, that’s completely necessary because I have been through so much, and I have this Grief and I have this love specifically, especially for my mother. She was the most significant loss in my life, physically here.

Lauren:

And if I just don’t use it, if I don’t use all that pain that I’ve been through, like, what’s it for? You know? It’s, it’s, I just feel like it’s so important to work through and find your new normal, because it’s not like Grief is this foreign thing. It’s like we’re all in it. We’re all gonna experience great loss in our life. There’s no getting around it. That’s part of this human experience. And so I have used this, you know, I’ve, in different ways, I’ve continued caregiving. I’ve, I’ve cared for a number of people in hospice since my mother’s death, and had that honor and privilege to be in those spaces of sacred, sacred spaces of the end of someone’s physical life here.

Lauren:

And it is so powerful, and it has completely shaped me into who I am today. And it’s why I’m pursuing Grief coaching because I want to support those facing loss and transition and give that safe, sacred space to share and to feel and to move through without judgment. Yeah, it’s, it’s so important. And I am honored to be embarking on this coaching path and have beautiful souls that I can support in their moments of walking that completely unpredictable and painful and joyful road of Grief

Dani:

It’s so beautiful how you’ve experienced this mental, physical, and emotional pain for so long, and you consciously made the choice to turn that into your power that helps you empathize and relate to other people going through the same. And now you’ve created a wonderful business that supports others who are in that dark, lonely space, Right? And so my question for you now is, when do you recommend someone reach out and seek help? Is it when they’re in the darkest of the dark? What has your experience been working with your clients, and what do you recommend?

When to seek help

Lauren:

Hmm. This is where I say Tune into your heart, Tune into your intuition, your feelings. It is completely normal to feel absolutely wretched and terrible and, and angry and feel like you’re going crazy right after Grief. It may be different for everyone because everybody agrees differently. Just as one’s relationship with whatever it is, one is lost, is completely unique. The Grief experience is completely unique, and it comes and it goes. And so it’s really a matter of checking in with yourself. If you feel that you need the support and you don’t have it. You know, even even loving supportive families, some folks just can’t talk about it, can’t hold that space to let you really process things and, and work through and embrace and lean into the darker side of it all.

Lauren:

So checking in with yourself, somebody may need direct support in coming weeks after a loss, depending on what it is. And somebody might not be ready to even talk about it for months or years. So it’s really just a matter of checking in when and checking with yourself and having that conversation with yourself and knowing that you are not alone. Yeah, there is support. There are people, I am here, there are other beautiful coaches in this world, and counselors and therapists, you know, there’s different modalities. It just, there’s so many different people to reach out to, and you are not alone. And that’s what’s important for you to realize.

Lauren:

And If, you want to move forward. It’s, it’s not about forgetting, It’s not about minimizing whatever the loss is that’s affecting you, but coaching it can help support you and guide you to a new space and move through that. And it’s a safe, safe vessel to hold all of your feelings. And so, yes, in a long-winded nutshell, I mean, just check in with yourself. You, you may need support at any all stage of your grieving process.

Dani:

No. And Lauren, I know you’ve also supported people even before the actual loss, but in preparation for it in all stages, whenever you feel your intuition needing that, understanding, that support, lean into that because it’s going to be so helpful in the long run, just having someone there with you, walking through with you when it can be so difficult. Otherwise,

Lauren:

Yes.

Advice on starting the healing process

Dani:

What advice do you have for someone to start the Healing process,

Lauren:

To let yourself feel, to give yourself that supportive space, to make that supportive space, Whether it’s with yourself, whether it’s calling in support, just feeling, letting yourself feel. Because as I mentioned before, you know, just sweeping your feelings under the carpet, there’s still there all of these emotions and pain and beauty and joy too. There’s so many different things. There’s every color of the spectrum of emotion that you will experience in Grief. And I, my advice is just to feel it and be kind and gentle on yourself and to seek support.

Lauren:

If you feel that is something that you need.

Dani:

Do you see different chapters? So with the clients you’ve worked with, are there certain things to look out for in each quote unquote stage? I know it’s different for everyone, but is it a conscious choice? Like, today I’m going to make a difference in my mindset, change the way I think about things. Or is it day by day baby steps one day at a time?

Lauren:

It’s a little bit of both, but I say, you know, especially with Grief and the unpredictability of it is baby steps. You just have to take it day by day, Check in with yourself, you know, there are different triggers and moments and you know, a sight or a smell, smell or a memory or, you know, hearing a song on the radio that will bring you back to something that’s gonna just tear you up inside and open you up again. And so it’s really unpredictable. And so that’s the other, that’s the thing is where it’s kind of choose your own adventure, is you can embrace as much as you want in this life all across the board, whether it’s through Grief or just every single day of your life. You know, it’s your choice with how you spend your days and those moments.

Lauren:

And so If, you want to really feel that. And no judgment. Some people do not wanna go here, and that’s totally fine. But for those that do, when, when braces side of a humanity and the Grief that we experience in this world, it’s a day by day process. Yeah. You know, and, and as one Grief maybe is explored, you know, another Grief can come through. And it’s, it’s just an never ending process. And it’s important to be mindful and aware in the moment and each day to check in with yourself, to feel where you are. You know, maybe the most you can do someday is just, I mean, get out of bed.

Lauren:

Some days are so, so excruciating that literally, I mean, there were, there were years of my life where I struggled to get out of bed to go to work every day and to put, you know, pull myself together when I was hurting so much inside. And so that’s completely normal. And that’s the thing is like, we’re all walking around in our own stories and in our own experiences. And I think so many people forget that and lose compassion for we are all grieving, we are all feeling, there are so many different things that we are processing individually every day. And so I encourage people to be gentle on themselves and understand that it’s not like I’m gonna grieve today and I’m gonna be done. It’s, it’s an ongoing process that needs your attention and support and perhaps the support of other folks.

How a grief coach can help you

Dani:

Does it get better? So for our listeners who maybe in the darkest of times, does it get better? Do you have words of hope, of encouragement? What does it look like after doing the work, after working with the people who support you? What does it look like years from today?

Lauren:

Hmm. I would love to instill hope in your heart that it does get better. It does get better. And again, there’s no timeline. And me moving forward with a more positive outlook on Grief and death doesn’t negate any of the love that I have for my mother or anybody else, or any other thing that I’ve cared for so much and lost. And that I think is something also that people can struggle with, is like, Oh, I’m not grieving. Like I don’t have this thing anymore. My person, you know, like it’s, it’s this either or, and it’s not. You can be joyful and grateful for every day that you’re alive on this earth and every precious be that you have.

Lauren:

And the moments that you can cherish and the memories that you can build, build, and all of the experiences with your loved one or loved, whatever it is, whatever you love so much. It’s that moment. It’s having that presence and that gratitude that’s so beautiful. And so coming now, approaching seven years since I was with my mother, and she’s, she passed on, is like, wow. I mean, it’s been a journey and it’s gonna continue to be a journey. And as I said, I mean personally for me, I’ve got to this point where after my mother died and having cared for numerous other people on hospice through my caregiving role, I have had a heart mission to be some form of support for those in that time of need and transition.

Lauren:

And to be able to even provide a sliver of peace and hope and calm and support in a time that feels completely chaotic and, and soul crushing. That is, that is why I continue. And that is why I am shaping my life. And that is why, that’s what led me to coaching and Grief coaching, because I want people to know that they don’t have to do this alone. And there are people that have walked so intimately with death and Grief like myself and come out the other side.

Dani:

That is so encouraging, and this is really clear that it’s just your soul’s mission. It must have been scary to bring everything that has hurt you into a business, but you know, by doing what is scary and exciting, this is how you help other people. Right. 

Working with a grief coach 

Dani:

Now, how do you support your clients? In what containers? In what capacities?

Lauren:

Yes. I, Oh goodness. Yeah, it’s been a journey and definitely fear is part of it. Things are scary and embarking on a business side of thing, that’s a whole different kind of fear than, than death and Grief can bring into your life. And so I am totally online, totally available, and can, you know through the power of Zoom can meet you in the space and where you are emotionally, physically, mentally, in this world through Zoom in the privacy of your own own space. And I offer one-on-one coaching. I have different lengths of packages.

Lauren:

I have a month for folks that need a little burst of support or a three month program through month package, excuse me, for folks that need ongoing weekly time together. And I will be offering soon a longer term experience for folks that like me are ready to make a new normal and reshape their life again and move forward in a different

Dani:

Way. Amazing. And I would love to hear about the workshop that you are also

Lauren:

Co-facilitating. Yes. I’m really excited to be co-facilitating a live experience, especially in the time of, you know, finally breaking out and seeing people again in person.

Dani:

Where are you right now? I don’t think we’ve covered that.

Lauren:

Oh, we have not. No. I am in the Blue Ridge area of Central Virginia, outside of Charlottesville. And so it’s a really beautiful space and I am co-facilitating sacred Greece, a workshop in ritual with a local healer here, Jeffrey Cox. And they are a somatic, somatic, heal acupuncturist, all things Healing, totally wonderful soul. And so we are holding this space coming up in a week in November for an afternoon of souls to gather and to grieve, to work through Grief, to understand what is normal with Grief, what they’re feeling to share, but then also to work through ritual using the elements of fire and water and release, and just working with the earth and doing some really intuitive check-ins with ourselves and the environment around us to embrace the Grief and work through it in a supportive circle of loving souls.

Dani:

I love that. I love that. It’s just incredible, this brand, this business that you’ve built in such a short amount of time, how many lives you are impacting and helping simply by shining your light and doing what is scary. I would love for you to connect with the audience guys. If, you are going through a really difficult time. Know that Lauren is here, I’m here If, you need help. Seek help. Lauren, what are the links? I will include them in the episode description.

Lauren:

Oh, thank you. I would love to connect with you. And my most used social media is Instagram, and that is @lauren.samay. And then I also have laurensamay.com, which has more of my story and services and upcoming events. And so you can find me most reliably there.

Dani:

Amazing. And I’ll also include the link for the workshop. If, you guys are around and If, you are going through something and this speaks to you. Lauren, it has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for sharing and being so vulnerable. Know that you are a light and a gift to this world.

Lauren:

Thank you, Danielle. It’s my honor to be here.

Dani:

Have a fantastic, fantastic week, and I will see you in the next episode.

~~~

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