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Hi everyone! Welcome back to the Wanderlover Podcast. I am recording this episode at 10 weeks postpartum in Florianópolis, Brazil. I have so much to catch you all up on.
Since the last time I popped into record, we completely uprooted our lives in Rio and moved cities with our baby. So the travels have already begun.
I cannot believe that it’s already been almost three months since I had the baby and became a mother (read what it’s like to give birth in Brazil in my previous blog post).
Just looking back on the past 10 weeks, motherhood is truly one of those things you cannot fully prepare for. No matter how many books you read, how many videos you watch, how many people you talk to, it’s a journey you have to live through in order to really get it.
What’s been surprising is just how many similarities I’ve found between motherhood and entrepreneurship. The online business, the full-time travel, the launches, clients, customers, passive income marketing, all of the things that goes into running a business.
No matter how many videos you watch or how many people you talk to, how many books you read, you really have to live through it. And do it yourself in order to really get it.
I’ve been doing so much reflecting during my maternity leave. I’ve really been making space for change. That is my one intention to just evolve into this new chapter without any rush, without any expectation or pressure.
There are so many lessons that have shown up for me in these past few weeks as a mother that I’ve actually learned from running a business for years. I’m just applying them to another domain and kind of translating them to be more applicable.
So today I want to share 10 lessons that I’ve learned from the past 10 weeks of motherhood. This is going to apply to you if you are starting a business, if you are a business owner, and/or if you want to become a mother in the near future, or if you are currently a mom!
Accept You’ll Make Mistakes
Number one is that it’s all a learning experience, so you need to be okay with making mistakes. You don’t have to know it all in order to be successful.
It’s interesting because when I interact with my baby, I get so excited because there’s just so many things he has yet to learn in this life, right? And I’m looking forward to teaching him. I’m looking forward to him making mistakes and going through the process of learning a new skill.
As babies, they learn new skills every single week, so they’re changing at a very rapid rate. Yet as adults, we get so fearful about making mistakes and we get so self-conscious if we don’t know it all.
At a certain point in our lives, we go from this mindset of ‘there’s always something to learn, I’m learning new skills every week’ to a mindset where we feel like we need to know it all by a certain point or by a certain age.
And that mindset doesn’t serve us right? Because if I had gone into motherhood with the mindset that I already read so many books, I already watched so many videos and talked to so many people, and I should know it all, that’s only going to set me up for failure if I don’t allow myself to really step in, dive in and learn myself.
Because it’s always so different doing something than reading about it.
As a first time mother, I’m honestly learning new things every single day, and I’m just thinking if I have another child in the future, I’m going to be that much better. The first time around is always going to be messy. It’s always going to be imperfect, but that’s how you learn, right?
That’s how you get better at something, and so really internalizing that this is all just a learning experience.
Mistakes happen. Mistakes are okay. They’re part of the process, and I admit that I don’t know it all, but I am willing to learn. I am excited to learn, and that’s really how you become a better mother, a better business owner when you give yourself that grace.
Rip Off The Band-Aid
The second lesson that I’ve learned from the past 10 weeks of motherhood is to rip off the bandaid when you feel like there is an obstacle in your way, and just do it. If there is something preventing you, whether it’s a mindset block, whether it’s someone you have to talk to or whatever it is. That prevents you from doing something, just rip off the bandaid.
It’s pretty cool because in motherhood there are some non-negotiables that you’re just thrown into. You are literally taking care of a human being and it’s. Awesome, because you’re kind of ripping off the bandaid and you’re like, wow, I’ve done this once before. I can do it again. But then there are other things in motherhood that you can truly overthink.
Going outside during Carnival, for example, was one of the first times we left the house and the first time we left the house with a newborn, I was like. What do we bring? How are we going to navigate this? Are we going to bring diapers? Do we need a change of clothes? Do we need a blanket? Are we bringing the wrap?
Are we bringing the stroller? How long are we going to be out for? Do I need to feed him? There’s so many uncertainties because I had never gone outside with a newborn before, especially when it was. Super busy, and so it became this problem in my head that I started overthinking. But now after a few months of going outside with a newborn, it’s just so much easier because we have our processes and we have our workflows in place.
This is similar to some of my clients who I work with. They have so much on the line, they need their businesses to work, and they’re kind of like thrown into it. So they create these amazing businesses because they really give it their all. But then I have other clients who I see overthinking. They don’t dive in because they create problems that are bigger than they actually are in their minds.
Raise your hand if you do this. Raise your hand if you. Tend to overthink, and the more you do something you realize like, ‘Hey, it actually wasn’t that bad’. My advice to you is to rip off the bandaid, give yourself a deadline, and just put yourself out there and do it.
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
The third lesson is to always reach out for help when needed. We still have a night nurse come three times a week. We found a new one in Florianópolis. I pump so that other people are able to help me feed, and I prioritize my wellbeing.
I prioritize my sleep because I know that I can be a better mother and a better business owner if you put yourself first. You cannot ever pour from an empty cup, and there is no point struggling in silence.
So asking for help and reaching out for help when needed is always going to make you feel so much better about your situation.
Communication is Key
As a first time parent, communication with my partner is so important because obviously he is also a first time parent. And when you guys are learning together, you really have to communicate what your needs are, what your expectations are for yourselves, your businesses, your child, and how you’re going to raise the child together.
One of the key things that has really helped us is taking shifts. We all have different priorities, and so we really have to communicate with the baby.
Now, how are we going to handle it all? How are we going to manage it all? Do we need help as a family? Can we start taking shifts to ease up the load and give the other partner some free time during the day.
Communicate what your needs are and if they aren’t being met, instead of just letting it slide and doing everything yourself, you really have to bring to light what is necessary to make it work.
And these are going to be conversations you’ve never had before because you’ve never had a child. And this also goes for if you have team members, if you work with people at all in your business, you need to communicate.
People cannot read your minds. People cannot know what your expectations are. So the clearer you are with your directions, with your intentions, it’s also going to just make you so much less stressed.
Don’t Give Up What Makes You Happy
Before having a baby. I loved traveling. I loved running my business and growing my business. I had all of my passion projects. I loved surfing, and I don’t plan to give any of that up /I haven’t given any of that up just because I brought another human being into this world.
Personally, I don’t think I could be a full-time. Stay at home parent, and I am fully honest and transparent about that.
I need my hobbies, I need my passion projects, and I need to be feeling like I am personally growing as a business owner, as a mother, and as a surfer. I hear stories all the time about mothers who feel so lost, who feel like they’re going through an identity crisis because they are giving their whole lives to their children.
And so my advice is that if you start focusing on what makes you happy, and it could be the things that made you happy before you became a parent. If you focus on those things, you’re still going to feel your sense. Of self and you’re not going to feel as lost. Obviously, this is going to take time. If you feel like you’re already struggling with time, you really need to make time for yourself.
But again, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so please, please, please don’t ever give up what makes you happy and try to sprinkle in some self care and some feel good, feel empowered energy. Into every single day going forward.
We aren’t going to stop traveling. We loved doing that before having Leven, and we are totally going to bring him along all of our travels and this is how we set the foundation for a happy family, right? Doing things we all love together.
Learn To Fully Turn The Next Page
The next lesson I’ve reflected on and I’ve learned is that you’ll never move on to the next chapter if you don’t fully turn the page.
I am in many communities with other mothers, and what I’ve noticed and what I’ve heard is that if you are constantly comparing your new life to your past life, or thinking about “the good old days” or reflecting on life before kids, that’s taking your thoughts and your time away from the present moment.
This also felt so similar to when I quit my corporate job and I was focused on my business. I went all in. I wasn’t thinking about my corporate stability.
I wasn’t thinking about going back to corporate because I truly believe if you have a plan B and you’re focusing on something else other than what’s in front of you, then you’re going to attract things that you don’t want, you’re going to be feeling things that you don’t want to be feeling because you’re focused on something other than what you want, and the current moment.
So whatever it is, whatever new chapter you are stepping into, leave your past self behind. It will make room for such bigger and better things. The best is yet to come, which brings me to lesson number seven.
Appreciate The Present
Lesson number seven is to be present and cherish every moment. I know it’s only been 10 weeks of motherhood, but these past 10 weeks have honestly flown by. I get so teary every time I look back on photos of Leven as a newborn because he’s already grown so much and you experience a new version of your baby.
Every week they become new people and you never really get to say goodbye to the older versions of them until you look back and realize, wow, they’ve grown so much. I’ve been taking monthly photos of him on a mat, and even between month one and month two, he like doubled in size, recognizing how fast.
Time passes forces you to be present and cherish every moment, even when it’s not the easiest moment, even when you’re up at 4:00 AM and you are tired. It’s such a beautiful thing to be able to experience for such a short period of time.
Focus On The Step In Front Of You
… not the entire staircase.
This goes for so many things when you are. Learning how to run your business versus when you’re learning how to raise a child. Just focus day by day what is within control and do your best.
You’re always going to be somewhat confused and somewhat uncertain, but if you’re focusing on every single thing that has to be done.
It doesn’t serve anyone. It gets you overwhelmed and as a parent, there’s so many things you can be focusing on. I’ve learned to just not entertain all those thoughts. Just focus on what you can control, and day by day things will work out. You truly do not have to worry.
Redefining Success
Number nine is that you’ll redefine what success looks like. And I think as human beings, you are always redefining what success looks like.
This is the concept of moving goalposts, but also as you experience new experiences, your definition of what you want in life shifts because you have new desires.
So now I have a family and my definition of success is for my family to be happy, to be free, to be successful and it’s not just about me anymore. Right?
So given that you are constantly redefining your version of success, do not be so tied up to one definition and expect that to be the same for the rest of your life.
When I was in college, I thought I wanted a stable corporate job. I thought that was my definition of success, and then I thought I just wanted to backpack around the world like you are constantly changing.
Don’t get hung up, don’t get disappointed. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out the way you expected.
And on the other hand, be excited about reaching your goals, your new goals, and creating new plans for them. You don’t have to stick to one. You can always redefine what you want out of this life.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
And last but not least, the most important lesson I think I’ve learned from the past 10 weeks is that you’re always doing better than you think.
In moments where you feel like nothing is working and you’ve done it all wrong, you will always reflect back and be like, that’s why it happened. This is what I have learned.
If you take those moments as learning experiences, you’re always going to understand why. They happened and what kind of person, what kind of better, stronger, more compassionate, more empowered person you are after going through the experience. So always say to yourself, you are doing better than you think.
As mothers, you are all doing better than you think. We are oftentimes the most hard on ourselves. So it’s really helpful if you train that inner mean girl to give you positive affirmations instead.
I hope this episode was helpful. I am really excited to be recording a full episode about traveling with my new family next week.
So stay tuned and reach out on Instagram if you have any questions. Or would just like to chat. I’ll see you guys in the next episode. Have an amazing week.
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