Pregnancy After Loss and Preparing For A New Era

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I am pregnant! Again. If you’ve been following along the podcast, you’ll know that earlier this year I suffered a miscarriage and it’s been honestly just a whirlwind of ups and downs this year.

But I am just so grateful and so blessed to be able to share this great news with all of you today.

In this episode, I’m going to be walking through pregnancy after loss, and this is dedicated to those of you mothers who maybe have gone through a similar story, if you are trying to conceive and you are just waiting for your rainbow baby – this is for you.

I am also going to be covering how I am preparing for this new era of motherhood, full-time, travel and entrepreneurship.

I’m honestly just so happy that this news is out in the open for those of you who have experienced it before the first trimester can just feel like you’re keeping the secret to yourself.

Finding Out I’m Pregnant While Traveling!

When I was pregnant in January and then had a miscarriage, it was so isolating because no one even knew that I was pregnant in the first place.

This time around, although I am 14 weeks now and previously I lost the baby at nine weeks, I definitely still have limiting beliefs and fear-based thoughts creeping up just because I went through it once before.

We found out that I was pregnant on my birthday this year in Japan. I took a pregnancy test and the line was so, so faint, I couldn’t believe it or it wasn’t confirmed.

I think I took three tests that night and they were all just so faint that I wasn’t convinced. Of course, the first thing I did the next morning was take another one.

I actually got a bunch of Japanese pregnancy tests that were a little more sophisticated than like the little strips I was using. And it was confirmed that I was pregnant.

It has been such a journey navigating full-time travel and prenatal appointments.

We then got our first ultrasounds in Indonesia, and that was such an emotional day. I was just really scared and fearful that I wouldn’t see a heartbeat again, that there would be something wrong.

The fear really hits you as a parent when you don’t know what to expect. There are just so many things that you cannot control. But luckily, the ultrasound tech was able to find the heartbeat very fast and took like a little measurement.

I thought I was measuring eight weeks at that point, and she told me that I was measuring seven. And of course I go down the spiral of like, oh my gosh, why is the baby not developed? Am I doing something wrong? And all of these questions.

So that’s when I had to stop myself and be like, Danielle, this is the best news ever. The doctor told you nothing was wrong. You heard a heartbeat, and here you are clinging on to that fear, right?

Clinging on to that inkling of doubt and trying to make it bigger than it is when in reality it’s a great day like I’m supposed to be celebrating instead of focusing on something that I’m making up in my mind.

Choosing A Strength Mindset

That’s when I first really dove into the mindset work. Now I am in England and I am navigating prenatal. We are going back to New York for Thanksgiving, and then I’m planning to have the baby abroad.

It’s a lot of moving, a lot of plans changing, but at the same time, I am welcoming it all with open arms.

This pregnancy is different than my last one because like I said before, when you experience something for the first time and it doesn’t succeed, you think it’s going to happen again.

I see this with a lot of my clients who maybe have started a business in the past and it fails. They think it’s going to happen again.

What I constantly heard in the back of my mind was that if I make it to nine weeks or like my first ultrasound, it means that I am going to be relieved and I’m not going to be worried anymore.

Then I have a successful first appointment, and then I’m like, oh my gosh, I must make it to my second trimester.

Now I’m in my second trimester and I’m like, oh my gosh, what if something goes wrong, maybe I need to wait until my third trimester to get this kind of like stability or comfort that’s realistically and not going to come unless you give it to yourself.

Because on this journey in business, in life, in pregnancy, there’s always going to be something out of your control that you can allow for it to consume you and for it to bring on just so much worry and distress.

In the beginning, I was so scared to share the news with my friends. I wasn’t as excited when I heard about other people getting pregnant because although I was pregnant, for some reason I thought that maybe I was gonna lose a baby again.

I just operated from a place where I was so scared and I realized that had to change, and I have been doing the work to change that and I took concrete action steps to change my habits from my first pregnancy to this one.

Habits I Changed Between My First Pregnancy And This One 

For those of you listening, if you went through a miscarriage and you are trying to get pregnant again, these tips may also help you because they definitely helped me.

Stopped Identifying With the Past

The first thing I did, and this is before I even got pregnant, I stopped researching about miscarriages and what I could have possibly done wrong and anything with the term miscarriage.

Instead of letting myself identify with it, I kind of put it behind me, I looked forward.

You might not do this, but I went through a phase where I was just trying to learn everything I can, and it almost got to like an obsessive point where I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I was just so confused and I let it consume me. And one day I was just like, I need to stop. I cannot be filling my mind with thoughts of miscarriage because you don’t get what you want by thinking about the opposite.

Invested In Nutrition

The next thing I did was I invested in a nutrition course for overall health and metabolism and gut health.

It was through this course when I learned that I’m gluten intolerant, and I know I’ve talked about this course before. I think I have to do an entire episode about it because I truly believe this is one of the contributing reasons for my original miscarriage and why I feel so much better and so much healthier in this pregnancy.

I completely changed my diet, my habits, my workouts, because I was focusing on optimizing my health and following the guidance from a licensed and professional coach.

Lived My Life As Normal

The other thing I did differently was I resumed surfing (check out my Top 5 Digital Nomad Destinations for surfers here).

I started living my life as normal. I was traveling all the time. I was focusing on my mental health.

After I found out I was pregnant last time, I just completely shut down. I was in New York and I was so careful with every single thing. I didn’t really lift heavy at the gym, I stopped surfing. I thought I just had to be so, so careful.

In hindsight, that’s not who I am. I felt really restricted. And so this time around I am in my second trimester. I am still surfing. I feel really, really good. I feel like I’m just living as normal.

Blocked Anything That Made Me Doubt

The other major thing I did was I deleted all of the apps that I previously had for pregnancy where I was in a bunch of mommy groups.

I didn’t realize at the time because I was trying to do market research, seeing what other experienced moms were doing for their child, but moms have so many opinions, and it got to a point where I was kind of like doubting my ability as a mother, if that makes sense, because everyone else had so much more knowledge.

I felt like I knew nothing. And this time around I deleted all of those apps. I trust my body, I trust myself that I am gonna be able to take on whatever comes my way and that I can learn right on my own accord. It doesn’t have to be through these groups.

With all of those changes this time around, I’ve had virtually no symptoms at all. In my first pregnancy, I was so nauseous and I avoided so many foods. At one point I was only eating saltine crackers, but this time around I feel completely fine.

I have no morning sickness, I have no sickness, no nausea, no food aversions, and the only thing is maybe I just have to go pay a lot more frequently.

Other than that, I am thriving and I just feel really, really good about this one.

Choosing Faith Over Fear

The biggest, biggest difference is my intentional shift and constant reminder to myself to be choosing faith over fear, so focusing on the best case scenario instead of worrying about the worst case scenario.

This is where it just all ties together. One of my first episodes on this podcast is worrying is praying for what you don’t want, especially after my miscarriage.

All of these thoughts like, “What if I never get pregnant again? What if this happens, what if it happens again?”

You are just attracting all that negativity into your life when you don’t have to.

At even this point, I can be worrying all the time, like what if something goes wrong, what if I can’t travel, what if you know, all of these things that I could be thinking about.

I choose to shift my attention away from that.

Think about the perfect scenario, the best case scenario, and focus on that. Because until it happens, there’s really no point in worrying, right?

We convince ourselves that the more we worry, it must somehow change the outcome.

Honestly, it just deteriorates your mental health no matter where you are, no matter what chapter you are in your life, the best piece of advice I can give you is to always choose faith over fear. 

Similarities Between Motherhood And Business

Next, I am going to be sharing all of the similarities I’ve noticed so far between pregnancy and this new world that I am entering motherhood and entrepreneurship.

Then I will also kind of tell you guys what I am planning for in this new era.

Everyone Wants To Give Advice

Moms have so many opinions and even people who aren’t moms yet or women who aren’t mothers, they will love to give you advice.

I am no stranger to this because it really reminded me of how people I was working with my colleagues in corporate (you can hear my story of corporate to entrepreneur here).

They were trying to give me entrepreneurship advice or life advice when they didn’t know what I wanted to do. They didn’t have the entrepreneurship experience and they weren’t business owners. So who are they to be giving me advice?

Obviously, it doesn’t come from a place of ill intention. Some of my best friends have given me amazing advice because of what they think is best for me and the baby.

Obviously in business, people are going to want to keep you safe as well, right? Safe from all that risk. So that’s the first thing I noticed.

It is your job to keep your peace. It is your job to find people out there who understand what you want, who have walked the talk, who are a few steps ahead of you. 

Find those people to talk to, and listen to them.

People are gonna be telling you so many different things, especially on social media. That’s the other thing I notice. Everyone has an opinion.

You do not have to let it affect you, and you do not have to listen again, faith over fear. So don’t let their doubt and their insecurities or whatever it may be, don’t let them affect your decision.

Find Mentors

The other similarity and the lesson I kind of am taking away from being a business owner, and I’m going to apply it to motherhood, is to find mentors.

When I was in corporate and I wanted to start my own business, I joined a mastermind.

I found mentors and I looked up to them. You need to do the same If you want to excel in your business and if you wanna excel as a parent.

Ideally, you’re gonna find someone who has it all, who is doing it all, and clearly define and plan out your own vision board. It is time for a new vision board.

That is what I’m currently working on in your business, define exactly what goes on it because you want to be expanding your frame of reference of what is possible.

Preparing For A New Era

What does that look like for me? What is in store in this new era?

One of the most frequent questions I’ve been getting asked is, will you still continue to travel? And the answer is obviously yes. I am going to continue living my life the way that feels the most aligned.

I do not believe that a baby is going to change how I live.

Obviously there’s gonna be changes, but it’s not going to stop me from doing what I love. It’s not going to stop me from living my life or living it even fuller than I was before.

I want this new era to look completely effortless, completely expansive, and paving the way for a new, bigger, better reality for myself and my growing family and inspiring others to do so as well.

I refuse to let the doubts and the fears and the small mindedness of some people bring me down for people to convince me that I must settle in one place, or that I must do things a certain way.

I will still be traveling. I am still going to be running my business. I am still going to be living by my values. I’m still going to be surfing as soon as I can get back in the water.

One thing that I’m really, really intentional about is getting help when needed and making it as easy as possible. So similar to when you are starting a business and you need mentors, they help you get there faster.

I’m going to be taking classes, I’m going to be learning from other mothers, and I’m going to be hiring help. I plan to have a night nanny. I plan to have a day nanny.

Anything that I need, I am not afraid to ask for help, to make my life easier and to get to my goals faster. I don’t believe my life has to drastically change.

It doesn’t have to be like so catastrophic as some people think it is. I compare it to like different chapters in your life, right?

When you go to college or when you study abroad or move to a different country, or even go from like being a single crazy party animal into a committed relationship, your life changes.

But it just opens up the portal to an even bigger and better chapter. It’s not like you ever have to close the best chapter of your life.

I firmly believe that the best is yet to come. And I’m just so excited for this new chapter because I truly see myself learning about new emotions.

I probably will feel a type of love that I have never felt before. I’ll probably experience things that I’ve never experienced before.

So I think starting a family is just such a beautiful thing. It is nothing to be afraid of. If anything, it’s gonna take my amazing, perfect life right now and just make it a thousand times better.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I will be sure to share any updates with all of you, including where we’re going to give birth, because it is quite untraditional.

If any of you are going through loss or if you are pregnant after a loss and you just want someone to talk to, my DMs are always, always open, sending you all so much love. And I will see you next week in the next episode.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, it would mean so much if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This helps us spread The Wanderlover mission to those who need a dose of inspiration today.

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