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Why I Chose to Live Abroad After Becoming a Mother
After living abroad for almost 10 years now, I know a lot of you genuinely don’t understand why I’m always drawn to living abroad, why I’m currently in Brazil, especially after having a baby, or why I even had a baby abroad in the first place. I get it. If you haven’t lived it, it can sound confusing or even extreme.
So I want to share my experience and perspective. I’ve been wanting to record this for a while now. I feel like distance removes emotional bias and replaces it with observation. I first studied abroad when I was 20 years old, and I loved it so much that I did it again. I loved that experience so much that I graduated early so I could travel and volunteer solo.
Every single time since then that I’ve gone back to the US, I experience culture shock. At the time, I didn’t have the language for it yet. I just knew something inside me shifted every time I left, and then shifted again every time I came back. I would crave going somewhere else, experiencing new cultures, and I loved the high that came from that. But every time I returned to the States, I felt like something was different. I had changed.
Meeting My Husband and Building a Life Abroad
Then I met my now husband, Ragz. He’s British, and we met in Bali when I was living there. He quit his nine-to-five to go full-time in his online business, and we’ve been traveling together ever since.
Earlier this year, we gave birth to our baby boy in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. When I went back to New York to visit friends and family as a mother, it felt like stepping into a world that was completely foreign to me, even though I grew up in the States.
Before going any further, I want to say this clearly. I am incredibly grateful for being American. My parents immigrated to the US when I was two years old. Everything I have today, my education, my business, my independence, and the opportunities I’ve had exist because of the sacrifices my parents made. The US gave me ambition and the belief that anything is possible.
This episode isn’t about dismissing that. It’s about sharing the full picture. I loved my experience in America, and I will go back at some point. But for this chapter, what feels best for me and my family is traveling, and I love that we’re able to do that.
Consumerism in the US vs Life Abroad
The first thing that immediately stands out to me every time I go back to the States is how extreme consumerism is and how ingrained it is in the culture. The first time I studied abroad in Italy, I remember going to my dorm and struggling to fit my two giant suitcases into an elevator that only fit one person. I commented on how small it was, and the doorman said, “All you Americans always want bigger, better, and more.”
That was the first time I realized how Americans are perceived abroad. Back then, I was deeply ingrained in that mindset and thought, “Isn’t bigger better?” But after traveling the world, I realized that bigger isn’t necessarily better, and most of the world isn’t chasing more, more, more. Comfort doesn’t require excess.
When I go back to America now, everything feels massive. One-day Amazon deliveries. Huge supermarkets. Costco trips where you buy diapers in quantities that could supply a small village. Baby registries filled with endless products and brands I didn’t even know existed. Thousands of dollars spent on strollers and car seats.
Meanwhile, I have friends raising babies on remote islands in Indonesia where none of those brands exist. People raise children in completely different ways around the world. Growing up surrounded by consumerism creates immense pressure to buy your way into being a “good” parent. But the truth is, you don’t need all of those things to raise a child well.
Parenting Pressure and Marketing Noise
Stepping outside of that environment made me realize how much marketing we’re constantly swimming in and how much pressure exists to perform parenthood through purchases. Abroad, there is less noise, less competition, and far less judgment around what you do or don’t have.
Healthcare is another major difference. The US has incredible doctors and technology, but it’s a for-profit system. Birth is birth. Postpartum is postpartum. People give birth all over the world. What stands out to me now is pharmaceutical advertising in the US and how normalized it is. Seeing commercials casually list death as a side effect feels wild once you’ve lived elsewhere.
In Brazil and the UK, advertising pharmaceuticals is illegal. Healthcare feels more human and universal. I didn’t have to pay exorbitant insurance premiums or deductibles. Most care is free or extremely affordable (and a perk that I talked about on last weeks episode on dual and triple citizenship). My birth experience was calm and personal. Doctors did home visits. Our pediatrician comes to our house. Vaccines are administered at home. That level of care changes everything.
Motherhood, Community, and Support Abroad
Motherhood abroad feels fundamentally different. Babies are welcome in public spaces. In Brazil, pregnant people and parents with babies receive priority parking, priority lines, and genuine support. Restaurants have play areas. Babies are treated as a joy, not an inconvenience.
There is no pressure to bounce back immediately postpartum. Maternity leave is respected and protected. In many countries, mothers receive a year or more of leave. Rest is understood as essential.
Food quality is another thing I can’t unsee. Ingredients abroad are simpler and less processed. I’ve noticed that I eat the same but feel completely different. Baby food here has two ingredients max. No additives. No sugar. No preservatives.
Slower Living and Mental Health
Life abroad feels slower and more balanced. There’s no constant hustle mentality. Basic necessities are affordable. Childcare and help are accessible. In the US, the cost of living is so high that families are stripped of the village they need to raise children.
Another difference I notice is how gamified the news feels in the US. Everything is breaking, urgent, divisive. It constantly pulls you into a state of tension, and I don’t think we talk enough about how that impacts mental health.
Choosing What’s Best for Our Family
The United States is powerful, but it’s not the only way to live. It rewards ambition and wealth-building, but often at the cost of health, presence, and peace. For us, Brazil makes sense right now. Surfing daily (even as a new mom!). Living by the beach. Eating unprocessed food. Raising our baby with community and support.
The biggest gift living abroad has given me is perspective. Knowing there is more than one way to live allows us to choose intentionally. Every country has its own challenges, but the ability to zoom out and decide what’s best for your family is freedom.
I’m so curious to hear your thoughts. If you’ve experienced something similar living or traveling abroad, let me know in the comments, and I’ll see you in the next episode of The Wanderlover Podcast.
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